


Appendicitis; Or, Missing Scene from The Assignment; Or, The First Adventure of Space-Savannah

by excessiveprepositionalphrases



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Fluffy, Gen, Goofy - Freeform, I want to be abundantly clear about that, Self-Insert, because my space self curses, but mostly silly, kind of?, love you guys, rated teen only for language, this is a self insert, written and published because my friends asked me to
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:35:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24238156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/excessiveprepositionalphrases/pseuds/excessiveprepositionalphrases
Summary: Julian's killed some plants. By accident, yes, but he's still gotten himself into hot water. He may have made the mistake of saying he couldn't be present to take the heat for this particular mistake because he had a patient. But where does a doctor find a willing patient on short notice? The station's resident computer repair girl who happens to have a very giggly crush on him, of course.
Relationships: Julian Bashir & Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 21
Collections: Deep Space Discord Literary Universe





	Appendicitis; Or, Missing Scene from The Assignment; Or, The First Adventure of Space-Savannah

**Author's Note:**

> I've written self inserty type stuff before, and even published some of it here, but the main character in those stories - my "nameless OC" - is more of an author megaphone/generic reader insert than a true self insert. But as my friends and I have built an ever more cohesive mythology around "space me", and the universe in which "space me" exists, we decided we needed some real space-me content. I really did my best as I wrote this to write myself fairly accurately and truthfully. It's surprisingly hard to write oneself!
> 
> This is legit just a story about me in space. It is shameless and silly and gratuitous and not pretending to be anything else. I mostly wrote this for myself and my friends, who really wanted to see an idea we had made into a real story, so here it is. So if you're expecting anything other than a goofy wish-fulfillment fantasy put to paper, turn back now. Anyway, I'll stop justifying my own writing now! Read on!

“Hey, Savannah?”

“Yeah?” I mumbled, still focused on the disassembled PADD in front of me.

“You’ve got a visitor.”

I spun around in my chair.

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything _too_ important,” said the tall, thin man, who was stepping cautiously through the doorway.

“Hi Julian,” I answered with a grin, doing my best to suppress a giggle. It was so incredibly hard to act _normal_ around him. He was as approachable and non-threatening as you could get, but between the medical blue and the green eyes, he always managed to make me slightly awkward and giggly. “Everything good down in the infirmary?” I asked him. “No tea in any consoles?”

“Hey, it was just the once!” he protested.

“Okay, fair.”

My relationship with the doctor was _complicated._ We hovered somewhere in the space between colleagues who enjoyed each other’s company slightly more than normal and real, honest friends. Julian’s relationship with _me_ wasn’t complicated at all. He saw through me like a pane of glass. It was that fact alone that made my relationship to _him_ so hard to understand. He was a doctor, first and foremost. He talked like one, and acted like one, and smelled like one, all antiseptic sharpness and clean clothes. But he was soft-spoken and painfully handsome, and goofy and sweet and TERRIBLE with computers. And in between all of it he was smarter than the computer itself, something that you could never quite forget when talking to him. His own bad luck with the computers meant that I saw plenty of him, and they were always my favorite repair calls. But it was still _complicated._ Because he was everything I wanted to be – impossibly intelligent and witty and kind, and then so incredibly beautiful, and then he would say something in that particular voice and he was a doctor again, through and through. I was always caught between wanting to be him and having a crush on him and being just a little bit nervous around him. But there was a safety about him too, a sense of comfort about his presence. Had I been slightly more creative, I would have found a way to make myself the dedicated infirmary repair tech, so I could be at least _near_ him all day.

He always looked at me like he could somehow understand all of this in a second, and he was much nicer to me than he really had to be. We talked and joked and I constantly giggled, and we ribbed each other playfully, and we both pretended it wasn’t a completely undefinable relationship. And right now, he had taken a few steps closer to me and leaned on the back of Lieutenant Gregory’s desk and folded his long arms, and looked like he was about to launch into something.

“Your access code for anything over security clearance six is 4873,” I said. “In case you forgot it again.”

“How on earth do you know that?”

“I manage the system that controls them. I have _all the power._ I can see everyone’s. I’ve memorized yours, though. You are my favorite client, after all.”

He smiled awkwardly. For all his outward appearance of arrogance, he never quite seemed to know how to take a compliment. He looked, for a second, like he was trying to formulate a response, but started to justify his presence instead. “I need a favor, but it’s got nothing to do with access codes.”

“I’m not an expert on much other than computers,” I warned.

“You don’t need to be an expert in anything. I just need a patient.”

“Ah…what?” I stammered, and raised an incredulous eyebrow.

“I need a _fake_ patient,” he clarified. That did not shake my incredulity. “I…killed some plants.”

“No correlation,” I said, bouncing the tips of my fingers together to indicate incompatibility.

“I _accidentally_ killed some plants.”

“I’m still very confused. I know you’ve made all those leaps in like, 2 seconds, but you’re going to have to help me along.”

“How was I to know you weren’t supposed to water them?”

“ _Julian.”_

“Fine,” he said, clearly not thrilled about the prospect of explaining his thought process. He unfolded his arms and rubbed his face with his hands. “I managed to kill some of Professor O’Brien’s plants. She’s meant to get back from Bajor today. I may have implied, when talking to Miles, that I couldn’t possibly be present to explain myself because I had to be operating on someone.”

“So when you thought about people who would be happy to be operated on, the girl who fixes your computers came to mind?”

Julian’s face softened. “When I thought of people who might be willing to do something ridiculous because I asked them to, the girl who memorizes all my access codes came to mind.”

I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. “You can say no,” Julian said with a gentle laugh. “I’m not going to force you to do anything.”

“You know full well I will do pretty much anything you ask.”

He cracked a self-satisfied smile. _You dorky little shit,_ I thought, but absolutely did not say. “Sure,” I relented, raising my eyebrows and shaking my head. “I’m your patient.” I extended my arms sarcastically. “Slice me open, Doc.”

“I’m not _actually_ going to operate on you.”

“Might as well,” I said with a shrug. I was fairly certain I had never in my life said anything I was so desperate not to have taken seriously. “So what am I doing?”

“Come on,” Julian responded, waving me to follow him. “Come down to the infirmary, and we’ll figure it out.”

“I’m just gonna follow you like a lost puppy. I hope that’s alright.”

“That is why I asked _you_ in particular, after all.”

Julian took the promenade stairs two at a time. I had to run down them to keep up with him. Our boots made a musical, alternating pattern on the metal stairs, his slower and heavier, mine light and frantic and double the speed: _clang-clang-thump, clang-clang-thump._ I almost made a joke about respecting my tiny legs, but I restrained myself.

Being a technician had always put a certain level of protection between me and the infirmary. I spent plenty of time in it, but not for its intended purpose. I was there, but not really – I was part of the scenery. It was that distance that allowed me to separate myself a little from the space, and that meant that I could work on the consoles and talk to Julian and not feel too much discomfort, except for the giggly awkward feeling I always felt around him in particular. And this, still, wasn’t real. I had only been roped in as an actor. But it still felt very different from being here as a tech, and the cold shakiness that I could never _quite_ divorce from anything medical had still found its way into my bones. I felt the cold rush on my skin as I stepped into the room. Julian was a few steps ahead of me, long legs and all, and I did my best to focus on him, instead of the mild queasiness. _Julian is here,_ I told myself silently. _There’s no point in being afraid of an empty room. Julian is here with you._

“What exactly do you need me to do?” I asked, still trying to keep my focus on Julian.

“Look convincingly like a patient from a distance. That’s all.” He waved a hand towards the biobed. “Take a seat, and look slightly unwell,” he added.

I climbed shakily onto the biobed and hug my legs off the edge, swinging them slightly. Julian pulled over a stool and sat down on it in front of me. He already had a tricorder in his hand, and immediately began to scan me. I watched him intensely.

“Do I pass the test?” I asked, trying to cover my nerves with a bad joke.

“I’m not even looking at the readings,” Julian answered. He looked up from the tricorder and met my eyes. “I’m just trying to sell it.”

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he continued. “You look like there’s a lot going on up there.”

“It’s just you,” I said quietly.

“What do you mean?”

“There’s nothing to be anxious about. It’s only you.”

He set down the tricorder and made one of his soft expressions; the kind that always melted me. “It’s just me,” he confirmed softly. “And no, there’s nothing to be anxious about. Are you anxious?”

“A little.”

“Why?”

I hesitated.

“It’s not me, I hope,” he continued. “I know I make you nervous sometimes.”

“You don’t make me nervous,” I protested. “Well…that’s not entirely true. But it’s not a bad nervous. It’s...you make me giggly. There’s a difference.”

“Nothing to do with the massive crush you’re nursing, I’m sure.”

“Pardon?”

“You don’t _exactly_ hide it,” Julian said with a mischievous smile.

“I’m…sorry,” I apologized, unsure if an apology was the right response, but out of any others.

“I’m not complaining.”

“Good, ‘cause I don’t think I can do anything about it.”

I watched Julian’s face for a moment, mischievous grin and sparkle in his eyes. He definitely, definitely batted his eyelashes at me. I made a face and pressed a fist into the bed.

“You fuck with me on purpose!” I said in mock anger, but rapidly dissolving into giggles. “Oh my God, you so absolutely fuck with me on purpose!”

Julian fluttered his dark eyelashes again, clearly barely above laughter himself. “You’re just now realizing this?” he asked. “I was _sure_ you knew I was playing with you sometimes.”

“I…suspected. It’s another thing to have confirmation, though. And to answer your question, no. No, you’re not making me anxious. You help, actually. It’s more just being here. I’m not a big fan of medical…anything. Or doctors, to be honest.”

“Present company excepted?”

“Present company excepted,” I confirmed. “You’re okay, for some reason. I really don’t know why. Actually I kind of do, but it’s complicated. You’re a very comforting presence. And you’ve been here longer than I have, so it’s not like I really associate the infirmary with anyone other than you. But it still makes me a little bit uncomfortable to sit here. If I focus on you, it’s okay – like I was saying earlier, I keep reminding myself that you’re here. But I let my mind wander too far from that, I get shaky again.”

“If I had realized it would make you anxious, I wouldn’t have asked you.”

“No, no – it’s alright. It’s not like I could resist being part of whatever you’ve gotten yourself tangled up in. I think if I had found you had drug anyone else into this I would have been jealous.”

Julian held his hand out to me. I took it without hesitation. He squeezed my hand. “I’m right here with you,” he confirmed softly. “Nothing to be anxious about. Anyway, this isn’t real! You’re not even really my patient.”

“About that – couldn’t you have just stuck to your lie about needing to operate on someone? Why did you need a fake patient?”

“He’s _going_ to come check. If he figures out that was a lie I will never hear the end of it.”

“He knows me, though!” I protested. “He knows we’re friends. It looks kind of suspicious.”

“You let me worry about that part.”

I realized as I glanced down that I was still holding on to Julian’s hand, and worse, that I had started squeezing it without meaning to. “Sorry,” I said, awkward giggle returning to my voice. _There_ was that crush again. For a few minutes I had almost forgotten, but clearly, my hand hadn’t. My first reaction was to let go immediately, but for some reason I didn’t. Julian gently ran his thumb across the back of my hand.

“You don’t have to let go if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t. Thank you.”

“ _JULIAN.”_

Voice. Male. Irish. Angry. Miles.

“Oh, shit,” I whispered. Julian gave my hand a squeeze before letting it go.

“Play along,” he whispered back. I nodded frantically.

“Miles! Can I help you?” Julian asked, clearly scrambling.

“You can _help me_ by answering for those dead bonsai trees.”

“As you can see, I’m with a patient right now, if you’ll give me a moment…”

Miles looked at me suspiciously. “Nice try, Julian. She’s the computer girl.”

“Hey!” I protested. I wanted to smack myself for opening my mouth at all. I could have sat back and let Julian handle it, but no, I had to get myself directly involved. “Just because I’m the computer girl doesn’t mean I can’t be ill. I have…” _oh my god, what do I have?_ Julian and I looked at each other in mutual panic. “Ahh…a…appendicitis,” I stammered, hoping the extra half-second the stutter bought me would give Julian time to catch up. Thankfully, it seemed to.

“Right.” He seemed to settle all of the sudden, as if getting back into the flow of being a doctor was all he needed to handle the situation. “And unfortunately, you’ll need immediate surgery to prevent it from becoming life-threatening.”

Julian and I stared at each other, desperately trying to communicate hundreds of ideas without words. _He’s not buying this at all,_ I said with my eyes. _Do something._ _I’m out of ideas,_ he seemed to respond. I thought as fast as I could. Maybe – an idea started to crystalize. Maybe, just maybe, if I made it awkward enough, I could chase the angry Irishman away. Making it awkward wasn’t difficult at all. All that took was allowing myself to believe, for half a second, that this was real, and dropping the wall I usually put up in front of my terror of medical procedures.

“Isn’t there anything else you can do?” I asked, allowing my not-entirely-acted panic to seep through into my voice. “Do I really have to have surgery?” _Please play along,_ I silently begged Julian. _Please oh please understand what I’m doing._

“Unfortunately, there isn’t,” he answered.

I nodded and added a little panicked shallow breathing for effect. “I understand.”

Awkward silence. _You’re not getting it, Julian. I need you to do the voice._ _Make this intimate and weird and uncomfortable for anyone looking on_. I let as much of the familiar panic into my eyes as I could manage, and a hint of quiver into my voice. I was fairly certain this was the only time in my life I couldn’t seem scared enough of a doctor. It was surprisingly hard to act properly scared of Julian. It was too hard to forget who he was.

“I understand,” I repeated shakily. Julian took my hand again.

“Hey,” he said, his tone shifting into something breathy and soft. He sat down on the bed next to me. “You’re going to be alright. It’s a very minor surgery. Nothing to be afraid of. I’ll take good care of you, I promise.”

It was almost impossible for me not to break character and break into a grin. _Now you’re getting it, Doc._ I gave him an anxious nod and wondered if I knew how to cry on command. I’d never tried. Think about something sad, right? Dead grandparents. The concept of war. Getting transferred off the station. Never getting to see Julian again. That worked. I almost surprised myself when I felt the single tear running down my cheek. Julian looked almost afraid. He couldn’t tell if I was acting anymore. _Perfect._

He pressed his hand into my face and gently wiped the tear from my cheek. He _wasn’t_ acting anymore. He wasn’t a particularly good actor, even when he needed to be, and it was abundantly clear when he stopped. “Hey,” he repeated. “It’s alright. I’m here.”

I turned my single tear into an open sob. Julian shushed me softly and pulled me into his arms. I propped my head on his shoulder, and finally got a chance to get a good look at Miles, who was standing motionless and wordless in the doorway. I closed my eyes and rested my head on Julian’s shoulder again, and allowed myself to melt into the hug. It might have been acting, but it still felt lovely. Julian rubbed my back and kept talking to me, still in that deep, soft voice. “It’s alright. You’re safe.” Over and over. I had to bury my face in his neck to hide the goofy smile that was about to appear on my face. This was _so_ going to work.

“Don’t…don’t worry about the plants. I see you have your hands full,” Miles’ voice said from the doorway. I stole a glance in his direction and watched him uncomfortably walk away. I gave it an extra 30 seconds for safety before dissolving into laughter.

“That was magnificent,” I said, still cuddled up to the doctor.

“Are you alright?” he asked, completely sincere. I pulled myself out of his arms and leaned back into the biobed, still laughing.

“I’m fine! Really. _Acting._ ”

“You had me worried! I thought you were really having a breakdown on me.”

“I know! I could tell. It made it more convincing, though, so it’s good.”

“What gave you the idea? It was certainly effective.”

“I figured I should just make it awkward,” I explained. “Pretending to be scared was easy. I could see Miles squirming the minute he walked in. I thought if I just made it intimate and weird, he might give up. And it worked.”

Julian flopped into the bed, hanging his head off the other side of it. “I will never kill a plant again,” he said with a laugh.

“You better not. I don’t know if I can ever cry on command again. The hug was nice, though, I have to admit.”

Julian sat up again. “I was so sure that it had just gotten too real for you,” he explained. “That hug was sincere.”

Time for more nervous giggles. There was that crush again, in full force. “Now _I_ need a favor,” I said, unfolding myself off the bed.

“What can I do for you?”

“Break more stuff. Once or twice a week is not nearly often enough to hang out with you.”

Julian grinned. “I will pour my tea directly into the next computer I sit down in front of.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”


End file.
